I have just opened my WordPress app to fin to abandoned pages, which I feel terrible about. It’s like I left university and abandoned my creativity.
So, a quick update on where I am…
I am working in a secondary school supporting students with visual and physical impairments in mainstream lessons, which is, on the whole, a lovely job. As frustrating as the school system may be, it is lovely to spend my days with some lovely kids (notice how I said some…others are, let’s just say not so lovely) and learn more about inclusivity than I could have ever learned at university.
I am also having a go at some amateur productions. Luckily for my almost youthful age I have been able to join a youth theatre group, and this year am also performing in a rousing community theatre piece about the last revolution to happen in England…(I think that’s right?)
I am also hoping to go on to do some further education at some point. The main issue is choosing a subject area that interests me, as well as making sure I can fund it! Fingers crossed!
I’m in my final semester of university, and things are getting busy!
As per usual I am letting drama run my life and I am loving it!!! I have written and am in the process of directing an adaptation of The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat by Oliver Sacks. This is one of my favourite books, because it is all completely factual and so beautifully human. It let me look at neurological disorders in a new light and I only hope I can do it justice in my performance.
I am also playing Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. A dream come true. I remember as a child having my mum plait my hair and acting out Dorothy’s adventures in Oz, and now I am doing it all again but with some wonderful people by my side, as I get my own ruby slippers and blue gingham dress.
A few years ago I gave it on aiming high, as I thought having Tourette syndrome would stop me but not necessarily because of he syndrome itself but because nobody would want to risk the performance that they are putting on with a twitchy girl in any of the roles. I am so lucky that I still get opportunities to perform, and I hope I can continue doing so for a long time.
Today I was working for the first time with a child with a visual impairment. He was really lovely and funny, but that’s not the important bit. He was learning to navigate his way around the school using his cane and without the guidance of a teacher. To help him do this he gave me a guided tour of the school.
The experience has never made me feel more oblivious to my surroundings than I ever have before. This child had to pretty much memorise the whole of a school based on how the floor changed, and if a certain teacher was talking from a classroom. There were doors I had never seen before, or maybe I had seen but disregarded them, as they didn’t matter to me and what I was doing.
I truly take my eyes for granted, and I have never been given a better view of how I look but don’t see.
It’s an actual pain. I didn’t know.
In films it’s all they seem to show
But it never seemed like it could be real
I would never feel how they act they feel
But this is it. This hurts.
Burns of regret – the sudden clarity.
You tease and lie. Your game
Was cruel, at least you won!
But you’ll never be the same,
The one I thought was safe.
Was that ever you or a mere
Role to play? See the sudden decline
You’ll lose when this shit is clear.
Memories repeated. They strike
When unexpected. That song
Made me smile – it’s you.
If you were there, the memory stays.
I count each day to ease the ache
Sanity seems to be at stake
Maybe I’ll move on from here
Move on from you, when all is clear
But now I’ll count the passing days
You have me in this bleary haze.